FUNNY.

This week....well what to say about this week. I hung out with some people I never thought I'd really hang out with, swam in a pool for the first time all summer, went pool hopping at two am with some of the best people, got attacked by seaweed, saw 500 days of summer, got my phone stolen at my favorite place to eat (HAHA), fell in love with my best friend all over again.


I really need to start bettering myself and stop worrying about the petty bullshit.

Left me in the cold and I miss you.

I know I'm being a retard girl about this and it's only been a day, but I miss my boyfriend so much. I know I'm a faggot I know I know I know. Three weeks is a long time though. wah.


On a lighter note, this picture basically sums up most of my high school experience.

I feel electric pink in the cheeks.

I had a super long talk with allie last night, it definitely made me realize a whole lot of shit. For the first time in my life I truly feel lost without any direction. I'm really unhappy with a lot of things that I need to change. It always feel good to make the people you hate feel lower than dirt. Well deserved my friend, well deserved. Have a nice life.

I can't wait to eat uncle bills, sleep on the beach, and spend a week with my best friend.

No, but really.

I feel like I'm stuck in the same place while everyone around me is running ahead. It sucks when out of nowhere people just try and barge back into your life and try and make things "OK". I'm still lonely as anything. I feel really small and insecure and vulnerable. I need some kind of a pick me up.

You Vandal.

Why am I having such a hard time with this? It's not even that long, besides I'm not going to be home for any of it. I may or may not hibernate for the rest of the day, depending on if anyone asks me to hang out. Or else I'm just gonna kinda sit here and sulk. Nothing wrong with that I suppose. At least Billy Madison is on.

I always read/look at things that I know will upset me, even though they're all in the past and will stay that way. Curiosity killed the cat.

Being nosy and curious hasn't really gotten me anywhere in life. It's time to stop.

You're just the same as me.

I know this sounds lame but it's really bumming me out how everyone hates each other all of the sudden. I feel like I have no friends anymore.

I guess I sort of chose to cut certain people out of my life. Now I regret it more than ever. I don't want to do this whole growing up thing anymore. I take everything I said about how much I want to be out of high school/how much I hate it/etc back. I wish I could do it all over again. I'd probably do almost everything differently. Everyone was right when they told me I'd miss it. I'm not ready to be an "adult" and to go to college and to have a real life. I'm honestly scared as fuck for the future and for everything that's gonna happen. I guess it's my fault things are the way they are, I have no one to blame but myself. As soon as I get close to people, I shut them out. Why? Obviously because of the common fear of being fucked over/betrayed/etc. I worry too much and over think things and I'm trying really hard to change that. I miss being around my best friend all the time. I hate that I only get to see her here and there, I don't really think she understands it either. It sucks feeling like people don't want to be around you anymore I miss my close knit group of girlfriends/friends in general. I'm really lonely and it sucks. I don't feel like I belong to anything anymore. I always thought this would be the best summer of my life, I guess I was pretty wrong. wahh wahh wahh. I'm gonna shut up and end this before I whine anymore.

I need to change a lot of things, and fast.


I need another milkshake too.

PMA.

This weekend has been incredible and it was just what I needed. House show/hangouts in the city friday, Slambfest and some really nice quality time with my wonderful boyfriend, and then Blacklisted with some awesome people yesterday. It was a real pick me up after the way I've been feeling for the past few weeks. I'm extremely thankful for my friends, family, and especially my wonderful boyfriend who have all been putting up with all my stupid bullshit. I'm starting to feel better and I hope it progresses. I'm trying to take things day by day for what they are rather than over analyzing everything and looking way too into the future and thinking everything is going to turn into complete shit. I'm trying real hard to start thinking more positively, and I think it's working.

Got a call from the doc, hopefully what she suggests works.

Tomorrow I should find out what's been wrong with me. I hope it's what I think it is.

He War.

Start thinking more positively, take things/people for what they are, stop having such high expectations, try and appreciate the little things a bit more, stop being so insecure, don't expect people to do things for you, don't expect things in return, don't be a girl and over analyze everything; it's probably the worst thing, exercise more, eat (more good food), go sky diving, go to the beach more, let go of negative feelings because of bad past relationships; the present is different and amazing, be happy, live spontaneously.