Sick sleazy and weighs a ton.

Yesterday I went over Kates and ate a shit ton of food while watching Nick and Norah on her laptop. It was actually really fun. I love the fact that most of the time when we're hanging out, we don't really have to do much of anything and we can still have fun.

I applied to bucks today. I decided my major is going to be psychology and I'm just going to see where it goes from there. Hopefully I can take some of the photo classes they offer along with all those stupid standard classes. I really have to push myself so I can get out of there within a year and head on to Temple.

While it's been really nice having two random days off in the middle of the week, I've been really overly tired and sleepy. I need to do something really fun this weekend.

Scared to love.

I'm so excited to finally get to sleep all day tomorrow, even though the weathers supposed to be shitty. I'm really excited for my photo 4 class because my teacher showed me all the cool projects we're going to do. It's a lot of stuff I've never seen or heard of before and I can't wait because it all looks and sounds really really cool. I love shooting film even though it's more difficult than shooting digital. I've decided when I'm older and have my own house, I want to have a studio type room and a dark room. I also really want to get my feet tattooed. I have my idea planned out and everything and I love it. I also want a scanner and a god damn laptop. There are too many things I want and I don't have enough money for everything.

Apparently my workplace has cut back business hours by one hour which actually rules because it makes working on Friday and Saturday nights more bearable.

Why find a nice way to tell you you suck?

I woke up in the middle of the night because my throat was killing me, and I couldn't fall back asleep. I only went to school because I had an International Relations final essay and I hate making stuff like that up.

I have a day off and two half days this week. That should be really really nice. I think I'm starting to get better, but I really can't tell. I'll feel fine during the day, then I'll wake up in the middle of the night feeling horrible again. I can't wait for 60-70 degree weather, and upcoming shows.

Can anyone recommend me a fairly cheap laptop that isn't a piece of shit? I'd be using it for photo editing as well as just the regular stuff.

Sore throat syndrome.

If it wasn't so cold.

I've been sick in bed for the past two days. While it sucks being sick, it's nice to just lay in bed all day and do nothing. I went to the doctor yesterday and my strep test came back negative, probably because she had a really hard time swabbing my throat. Apparently I have swollen glands on my neck which meaning I have a viral infection in my throat? Anyway they said they'd let me know if I actually have strep in three days. WHATEVER.

I've also been really sleepy on top of that. I was supposed to present my graduation project today but I knew there was no way in hell that would happen when I woke up this morning so I'm presenting tomorrow after school. I'm pretty nervous. I suck at doing presentations in school. My mouth always gets super dry and I start to talk really really fast, meaning I need to somehow add on to my speech to make it a bit longer. I know for a fact I'm going to pass, but I'm still nervous as hell.

It's supposed to be kinda warm tomorrow, I'm really stoked on that, plus the title fight show. I hope it doesn't snow on Saturday.

STOKED.

http://www.worldmovesfast.com/blog/

If you scroll down a few entries they used my pictures along with the link. I know it sounds really lame, but seriously I get so stoked whenever anything like this happens. I think I've progressed a lot in the past three years and finally seeing my stuff in t-shirts, records, zines, cds, etc makes me so incredibly happy.

Anyways, this weekend was one of the best I've had in a long time. Friday I froze my ass off and hung out with Sean and some cool dudes. Saturday I almost died going to Scotts and then went to the Edison show with him, Ott, Rycal, and Preston. It was actually overly crowded but it was awesome nonetheless. Sunday I worked all day which was super boring but at least my next paycheck should be decent. After work I went to Kates and ate meatballs and then we headed to the show which was so much damn fun, lots of dancing. Micheals after was super fun, there were like 20 of us or so, left the diner at 1:30, Marissa and I were scared shitless driving to allies but made it alive. Oreo pie is so fucking good even though I hated it the first bite or two. Allie, Mariana and I took a joyride to Doylestown. Kate, Suzanne, Allie and I failed trying to dance to Beyonce and B. Spears and worked up quite a good sweat. I think I was the first one to pass out. Overall, some awesome talks, pwns, food, dancing. I love these girls so much. Also, Allie makes really good eggs.

Saying bye to Mariana sucked:( I'm going to miss her so much:(

Two zero two.

I left school early due to "throwing up during b lunch" aka I'm just overly tired and need to sleep. Anyways, yesterday I went to Living Arts with Dan and Mariana to watch Dan get tattooed. I'm going to miss those two a lot when they leave for Chicago. I ended up getting a 20$ parking ticket for an expired meter? For some reason I thought meters were free after a certain period of time but oh well.

I'm very very excited for this weekend. Hopefully the batteries for my battery grip work because they didn't last time and it was slightly annoying.

Quiet evening.

I think my whiny moods are a mixture of PMS, lack of sleep, and the weather. I should just probably not update this as often as I do now. I've come to realize that I really don't take rejection well, I'm very very hard on myself, and I don't handle stress or pressure too well. I guess those are things I need to work on. I absolutely hate the question "hear back from any colleges yet?". I'd rather not discuss.

I know I'm absolutely capable of getting to where I want to be and I know for a fact I'm going to get there, I'm just upset I can't be there as soon as I would like to be. I guess beggers can't be choosers though.

I'm just excited for the next few weekends even though generally January and (especially) February suck. Except for Mariana moving:(

I should also try and not get annoyed over some of the things people do, but I really can't help it.

The irony is that you totally suck.

Monday's are always the worst days. I forgot my psych final project which I actually worked pretty hard on and so now I have 10% off. I hate high school. It also really sucks when you find out people who you THOUGHT really cared about you lie to you. But hey, what can you do? People are huge pieces of shit half the time anyways.

The show yesterday was tons of fun despite the fact that Ringworm dropped off. Preston, Sean, Marissa, Allie and I went down to the city a little early to look at Marissa's absolutely gorgeous potential house/apartment in University City. Then we headed down to the show and suprisingly hardly anyone was there. We were gonna leave after War Hungry but we decided not to. I had some nice talks with Lily and Ed which ruled, especially since I never see Lily ever.

I'm having the worst time trying to concentrate today. My sleep patterns have been weird lately and I've been feeling really uncomfortable. I don't mind the cold but I don't like ice on my windshield or feeling like my fingers are going to snap off.

Home on a Saturday night.

My parents are really weird when it snows outside. They're super paranoid I'll get into an accident and die or whatever. It sucks but I guess it's good that they actually care about me even though it's really fucking annoying because I've had the WORST week and I just wanted to go out and get my mind off of everything but NOOO. ANYWAYS. Yesterday I had work and it was pretty much dead from 6 o'clock on. I had to alphabetize dog baseball hats which actually took me forever because everything was way out of order and I kept having to start over. I don't understand why peddlers village is even open passed 6 or 7 this time of year, but oh well. I'm sure they lose a ton of money.

I never realized how bad the economy really was until I came into work and literally, everything in the store was on sale. My boss rarely puts anything on sale unless it's expired dog treats or something. Afterwords Kate, Sean, Rycal and I went to the diner. We didn't stay long because sean had to get Marissa so the remaining three of us had a mini van soccer mom sing along which was fun. This morning I woke kate up and we went to Perkins. Despite how much being home sucks, at least I can finish homework or something, watch the flyers game, and the rest of it's always sunny and just be lazy and fat.

/annoying pointless post.

Casey & Me.

I think I finally figured out why my dad always refers to my dog as "Sneaky bastard". She's always found some way to steal food from the pantry, the table, and even off your plate when you're not looking. We've always been able to catch her and prevent her from stealing food but I seriously have NO idea how she got away with this one.

I woke up to (literally) a house full of dog shit this morning. She came in my room at midnight crying and I was too tired to comprehend the fact that she could have to take a shit so I kind of just brushed it off. I woke up at 7:45 to go to the bathroom only to find the carpet outside my room splattered with brown liquid. I thought it was puke for a second but I soon realized it definitely had to be poop. There was more at the end of the hallway...and in my parents room...and in the foyer...the kitchen...and even more in my parents room. I spent a good portion of the morning cleaning it up. Right when I came home from school I went upstairs to my parents room to check on her, and instead of finding more poop, i found a puddle of puke. I sat with her for a good hour to make sure she was alright. I let her outside to see if she had to let anymore fluids out, nothing.

SO, about 10 minutes ago my mom came in my room freaking out because apparently Casey had been stealing my fiber one bars and hiding them in the pebbles of my parents fire place (they have one of those automatic ones). So now this morning makes sense to me and I can't stop laughing.

Down.

Too many things to do. Too many decisions to make. I'm so stuck between what I want to do next year. Go to Arcadia? Or go to bucks and transfer to Temple? I'm leaning more toward the second choice. I'm trying to outweigh the good and bad of both and then go from there. BUT then there's the whole putting together a portfolio (which I haven't started) and all that other junk. The good thing about waiting a year is I have time to develop a good portfolio and get my shit together. DECISIONS, DECISIONS.

I got my fisheye in the mail but I have yet to even take it out of the box and look at it. I think I'm buying either a 10-24mm lens or a 11-18mm lens and then that's it for awhile because I can't think of what else I want/need. I'll definately try to start saving more money even though that's a little harder these days.

I have not felt this down about myself and everything else in so long. I don't think I've ever felt this discouraged before. My psych final project is taking twice as long as it normally should because I can't focus, my mind keeps wandering. Turning off my phone didn't even help.

I've seriously come to the conclusion that I will not make anything of myself. I'm not going to do shit with my life. It's pathetic. I don't even know if i want to fucking go to college anymore, I'm too fucking stupid to get accepted anywhere. I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do with myself. I'm not good at anything, I suck in general. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. Everyone's pissing me the fuck off.

It would also do my ass some good (literally) to stop eating so much god damn junk food.

The city is just beyond those clouds.

Yesterday I spent the day in NYC with my aunt/godmother and two cousins. It was seriously fucking awesome, I wish I could live there forever. My aunt lives in the city on the weekdays and jersey on the weekends, and she has this awesome apartment on Madison st. I would fucking love to do something like that when I'm older. We spent some time in SoHo and then headed over to Chelsea Piers to watch my cousin Chloe's indoor soccer game which ruled. I also fail at using metro cards on buses. I forgot how crowded Times Square usually is. We saw Marley & me (again) and I cried (again). After that we headed back to Jersey because everyone was tired, and of course my mom couldn't pick me up like she told me she could earlier so I had to sleep over. I hardly slept but whatever. I put money in the bank meaning I have enough for a fisheye FINALLY. I'm so bummed break is over, damnit.

Break in the new year

Last night was fun. The show was way better than I thought it would be. Despite not having too much interest in any of the bands, I had a lot of fun. My dress was really itchy, I sort of wish I didn't wear it. After a ton of us went to allies which ruled. I ate too much shitty food on the way over to her house that started to really not agree with me so I left a little early because I felt like a party pooper due to my aching stomach. But all in all it was fun. It was probably one of the best new years' I've had since I was like 12.

Who wants to go to that wonder years show at villa capri tomorrow? I know you have nothing better to do. ANDDD is anyone going to trapped under ice on the 4th?


YES WORK FOR SIX HOURS. not.