Winding up.

Last night I went to nfg at the Starland Ballroom in Sayreville, New Jersey. First of all, worst venue I think I've ever been to. There were WAY too many people there. I almost got puked on a few times. I was pinned up against some wall by some smelly drunk dudes including this fucking obese motherfucker that had his ass in my stomach for what seemed like forever. We got SO fucking lost. It took us three hours to get there because we ended up on Perth Amboy twice, ended up on the wrong side of the parkway, and we kept having to turn around. I was kinda pissed because I thought we'd miss nfg, but we ended up getting there right when A Day to Remember was playing or whatever. Band fucking sucked but everyone was going insane for them. Nfg was awesome though. They played a good mix of everything, including a couple good oldies. It only took us an hour to get home though. HA.


I just got my 50mm lens in the mail. I'm so excited to try it out and see how it works WHOOO. I'm saving up for the nikon d90 because my d50 is randomly starting to malfunction on me. But I mostly just want a new camera body. I have a lot saved up so I think in a month or two I'll have enough for it. I'm pretty sure it's not even out yet.


OH, and Staggered works is putting out a newspaper and they're looking for photographers, artists, writers, etc. I think so far Manny and I are the only photographers (coughlizcough), and Kate and Sean might be writers. but if anyone reading is interested e-mail tony@staggeredworks.org.


Okay, this is really dumb but is anyone who's good at drawing willing to draw out my tat for me? I have this idea in my head but I draw like a retarded first grader so I'm not even going to attempt it. If so, IM babeh danii.

Cannonball.

I talk too much. My hair needs to grow. I've been overly anxious lately. Kids at school are so fucking annoying. ESPECIALLY stupid little sluts that try and hop on every older guys dick. Stop talking about senior week, September isn't even over. You probably won't even like the kids you're planning on going with by the time the school year is over, but it's not even like I have a ton of friends to "get a house" with or whatever. I wish I could date Adam Sandler. I have a crush on him, along with someone else. I'm never telling. I'm most likely only applying to one school, suck my dick if you think I HAVE to apply/look at other schools. I want to rescue a kitten but my mom won't let me. BOO.

Cats and dogs.

Back to feeling like complete shit. Fuck everything.

Over the head, below the knees.

I'm having such a weird day. Lately I've been so hard on myself. I feel so stupid. I really feel like I have nothing going for me at the moment. My friends are all so smart, but here I am, the retard. They all have such high expectations for themselves. They have good grades and are able to get into good schools. I know this sounds retarded and I know I should be happy for them, but it makes me feel terrible. I feel like I'm honestly not going to do anything decent with my life. Everyone's talking about going to college and whatnot, here I am, only applying to one school because I know won't be able to go anywhere else within my reach. I know, it's bitchy, whiny, and stupid, but it sucks. I know I did it to myself. I hate this growing up process. Fuck everything.

Car.

My car's been making really fucking weird vibrating noises or whatever. My dad and I just changed the oil and he looked at the engine, but we don't really know what's wrong with it. I can't get it into the shop until next week, and there's a possibility it might die along the way. If it did I'd be so sad. I love my station wagon:(

There's no way I can talk myself out of this one.

Alright. Here I go again. I hate having crushes. It's the first time in forever that I'm actually too afraid to do anything about it because I know in the long run, it's probably not going to work out and I should just keep my mouth shut and yeah. It's too soon, and I'm trying NOT to do that shit all over again. I'm such a retard when it comes to stuff like this. I almost always have a crush on someone (or a few people for that matter). And for the most part they're stupid retarded little girl crushes. I'm fairly sure this is no different so yeah, MOUTH SHUT.

ANYWAYS, this weekend ruled. Especially yesterday. Legally Blonde was amazing (I'm a faggot, I know), AND I got back from the city in time to go to Cold World. I slept like shit though.


I really only hate my life when I'm in school, specifically on A days with i have my two retard classes.

I lost my voice, hope I didn't break it.

I'm exhausted. I've been waking up in the middle of the night and sleep texting and saying retarded things to people. You know who you are, sorry for that.


All guys are scumbags. The End.

Self Explosive.

Reasons why I suck at hanging out(in case you were wondering):

• Usually when asked "what do you want to do?" I respond with "I don't know/care"
  
• I never have any ideas of what to do.
• I'm lazy.
• I usually don't really care.

I don't even feel like I'm in school. I guess it hasn't settled in yet.

Oh, and I figured out what's wrong with me (I think). I have such a hard time keeping boyfriends because as soon as I meet someone and start liking them, I wanna date them right away. It's extremely retarded of me because I don't take the time to actually get to know someone before dating which makes things really awkward and uncomfortable in the end. I also don't take the time to realize that I might actually find out things about said person that I don't like. I probably could have saved myself a lot of disappointment and frustration if I just took a step back and let a friendship form instead of jumping the gun. I need to stop being such an impatient son of a bitch. SO, I've learned my lesson for next time...









KLAJSFDLK;ASJFLIEJFAL;ISDJA IDUAWFJALEJASLIAEIFUASDLIF.

Standing on the edge of summer.

Thank God this weather is cooling down. I'm so sick of being hot and sticky. It's still summer so it's kind of expected, but fuck that.

This weekend I'm going to New York with my mom. I'm most likely missing the Cold World show on Sunday. I'm bummed about that but I get to see legally blond the musical. That dumb show "The Search for the Next Elle Woods" sucked me in and made me wanna see the play. Whatever I'm actually really excited. I know, I'm a faggot.

Today at work there was a HUGE order of calendars that needed to be put on display/put in alphabetical order. It literally took three of us three hours to do all of that (probably because there are way too many dog breeds). I never realized how much work goes into doing something as simple and stupid as organizing calendars.

SO my weekends are going to start to get pretty busy. Work Fridays, volunteering Saturday mornings (playing with kitties) with Nikki, and working Sundays. I have a feeling I'm going to be getting little to no sleep. FUCK I'm applying to Temple (most likely) within the next week or two. It's the only school I plan on applying to since I want to stay in the city and no other school really has both my major and minor. I can't go out of state either. I'm kinda nervous but if anything I'll just go to Bucks for a year and transfer or something. Fuck I hate worrying about college. I've never really cared about college until now. I've never really cared about school until now which is really weird for me.

Keep time where it was and where it should be.

I have no idea where time went. I feel like summer never happened. Along with junior year. I don't feel like I'm growing up. I have this mindset that I'm still a little sophomore with a sixteenth birthday coming up in two months. I feel like I'm getting my permit on my birthday instead of my first tattoo. I don't feel like I've really grown up much. In fact, I feel like I'm not growing up at all. Obviously, I'm not really growing up physically because I still look like a five year old, but it's more so a mental thing. This whole idea of responsibility and becoming an adult is such a foreign concept to me. Going to college, working for the rest of my life, supporting myself, getting married, having a family and a career. It's so weird to think about. It's so far away but time really does fly by. These past four years have gone by way faster than I thought.

I regret fucking up so much in school, especially last year. I was so miserable with all my work and all those other horrible things that go along with junior year, I forgot WHY I chose to make myself miserable: so I could enjoy my senior year. I regret not trying hard enough and not working to my full potential, but overall just not trying hard enough. And now I'm really paying for it. Fuck. Oh well. I guess I can't really do anything about it now except try and make the most of this year. Except it feels like this year isn't really happening.

It's been a summer.

SO, today is the last day of summer. I'm not really bummed about it like I was last year. This summer didn't turn out how I expected, at all. It's a good and a bad thing. I spent the majority of it with my best friend and a group of awesome kids I didn't think I'd spend so much time with( but I'm glad I did). I went down the shore once, met awesome people like Spencer and Kyle, slept until 2:30, loved and hated my job, spent a lot of time in perkasie, drank more Wawa mint chip milkshakes than I probably should have, went to some awesome shows, skipped warped tour, spent most of my days in Kate's moms bed watching on demand, actually hung out with carly AND gabrielle together for the first time in almost a year, went to visit my cousin in jersey for the first time in a few years, went to sonic for the first time, and for once in a long time I didn't mind spending my nights in.

If I had to rate my summer on a scale from 1 to 10, overall I think it'd be about an 8. I don't care about school, it's my last year in High School(thank god) and all of my classes are a complete joke. However, I'm dreading that 5:45 alarm.