eat, sleep, work, die.

This whole get up at 6, go to school, come home, do nothing, sleep, repeat routine is really starting to get to me, it feels kind of lonely. As dumb as this sounds it's actually really starting to bum me out. I know I only have 7 more weeks until freedom but god damn that feels like such a long time. I'm definately trying to go to the beach soon.

June 19th...

Forgive me.

I really really need some kind of a pick me up.

I really wanna go to another saves the day date on this tour, really really bad. They're playing in Baltimore next Friday but I can't drive down so that's a problem, and the two dates in NYC are on weekdays. Oh well. I'm so so so sad I can't go, but I'd feel like shit if I missed out on my brothers graduation.

The next 8 weeks need to go by really really really fast.

Things I need to start doing:

• think before I open my mouth.
  
• STOP making up stupid excuses for everything.
• STOP being a lazy piece of shit.
• Develop a better outlook on everything/life in general.
• Sleep more.
• Saving every paycheck (if at all possible, ha)
• Stop being so nosey.
• Be nicer.
• Stop randomly taking my bad moods out on my mom.
• Take my placement testing at Bucks.
• STOP getting bummed out for absolutely NO reason.
• Take my dog to a nice park or something, she's getting old.
  

I spend too much time focusing on my faults and things I don't like about myself, perhaps more than I should. I hate it because it really prevents me from having fun (last night).

Nutshell.

• Some people at work are VERY VERY annoying. I'm actually contemplating finding a new job. Anyone know of any places that are hiring?
• These 9 weeks really need to hurry up. I can't take anymore school.
  
• I have the best friends/boyfriend.
• Awesome shows coming up.
• Not getting out of school early is really messing with me.
• I don't think coffee has an effect on me anymore other than completely killing my bladder.
• Sweatpants.
• 
  

Hooligans for life.

The fourth marking period started yesterday, which means I have only ten weeks until graduation. I can't remember the last time I wanted anything so bad. I can't wait. I don't get out at 1 anymore which really sucks. I'm not used to having a fourth period (even though it's the easiest class ever). I'm taking photo four which I'm really excited about. My teacher is awesome and we're going on a field trip which I'm stoked about. nerd.

Last weekend I went to a phils game with kate for her birthday. It was so much fun despite being cold. I hadn't gone to a game since I was 8 and back then I was a huge yankees fan. SO WHAT. ALSO, on the topic of sports, the flyers made the playoffs!! However I do have a strong feeling that lord stanley will either go to the Bruins or the Sharks this year. But I'm a girl, what do I know about sports?

Not trying to be a nerd but my boyfriend rules and I enjoy when he calls me at 1am to talk so he doesn't fall asleep driving.

BREAK UNTIL TUESDAY.

Morning wood.

Since the summer, I've had these really horrible confidence issues, and there are always random things that happen to somehow remind me of them or make them worse throughout any day. I know this is really stupid and whiny and I'll stop it with these, but I haven't felt this low about myself in awhile. It's a consistent "I'm not good enough" feeling that just sort of lingers and I don't know how to get rid of it.

Anyways, yesterday Kate and I went to the Phillies game for her birthday, which ruled. They lost and we froze most of the time but it was so much fun and I'd love to go to more, considering the last time I went to a Phillies game i was a Yankees fan. WE GOT A FREE TRAIN RIDE HOLLA! We hung out with Sean and Dan and Pookie and I fell asleep so we ended the night early cause I'm kind of a party pooper. I have easter break next week thank GOD.

I don't really think I'm going to my prom. It's just one more thing to stress out about and I don't even have a legitimate good group of friends I'd like to go with. I just don't really care enough and I don't think about it anyways.