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What do you do when it twists all around?

I need to start putting things more into perspective. I need to stop over analyzing every little thing and just accept things/people/situations for how good or bad they are and just accept it. I need to take a step back and take everything in. I'd like a nice two week vacation, preferably back to the beach. My stay was far shorter than I had hoped it'd be, but that's because I had to go back to the work/school reality thing. That's life, that's growing up, and I need to stop being a huge baby and accept it. I need to stop being so down on myself all the time and just accept the way I am. I need to be happy with myself. 

I hope this year goes by really fast. I'm not looking forward to my upcoming birthday for obvious reasons. I also need to stop being a baby, really, it'd do me some good. Grow up, suck it up, and shut up. 

This is probably my last post for a really long time. 

Lose yoself.

What a nice weekend at the shore/city...now back to reality. I wonder how much longer I'll be able to stand this place. 

Trees seem a little deader.

I have to keep telling myself it's not so bad. It's not where I want to be, but, it's not so bad. If I just keep my nose in those books, I'll be okay. I feel really far away from everyone. I hate still living in the suburbs. It's too boring. I'm really worried things aren't going to work out for me. One anxiety leads to another...and another...and another...

In other news, my boyfriend is wonderful and is honest to god probably one of the very few things making me happy right now. I need a change of scenery, and a long vacation.

For the first time in my life

I feel like i have absolutely no control over anything going on.

Jimmy Brooks.

Alright, it's really weird to me that Aubrey Graham aka Jimmy Brooks aka "Drake" is now a famous rap star? I've been watching Degrassi: The Next Generation since I was about 11, and ever since I could remember, or at least in most episodes, Jimmy has tried to jump-start some sort of a rap career; and now he's Drake? He's actually a famous rapper? This is really weird to me and I have a hard time taking it in sometimes. Wheel chair Jimmy, Jimmy who dated Ashley, Jimmy who got shot, Jimmy who was a virgin on the show, NOW HAS A FAIRLY SUCCESSFUL MUSIC CAREER? It rules. I love Drake forever. 

Goes to college...

Boston was wonderful. I didn't want to go home. Not to quote have heart or anything but it really is beautiful. Spending three days in a random city with my best friend was just what I needed. I start my first day of college tomorrow. I'm nervous and not excited at all. I really don't want to go, especially not to this school, but I'll suck it up and deal with it. wahh wahh wahh.

I've also come to the conclusion that I let myself go... really really bad. I need to start taking better care of myself again / exercising more / eating better and getting an adequate amount of sleep each night (if possible).

Where there's a will, there's a way.

Big slumber party in Kelsey's room, suicide file, blacklisted (never disappoints), seeing people I normally never get to see, sweating out all the water I drank and more, Buffalo Bill, my security guard girl, girl talks, snuggling, and more. TIH has defiantly been the highlight of my summer. The weekend was everything I hoped it'd be in more. Now I'm off to Boston, the beach for one last time, then school and Blink 182.

Goes to college.

I start school next week. This is a weird feeling.

I am me and I am mine.

I guess I've sort of come to accept that people come in and out of your life, and that's just the way it is. Sometimes you can't do anything about it. It's a never ending cycle of growing up and changing, and that's just how it is. I guess I'm trying to accept things for how they are and to stop focusing on the bad and just focus on the good.


I'm really debating on going through with getting my saves the day tattoo within the next week or so. I'm a puss when it comes to keeping things from my parents, but I might just do it.

Can't stop.

I haven't seen flashdance, but god damn do I love the music. I can't stop listening to these songs.

Still grasping for friends. Excited for school to start. Just want summer to end.

Lost in an illusion.

Not only do I feel like I'm living in a bubble, but I feel like I've been sort of grasping for friends at this point.

Part of me just wants to put all of the bullshit that happened a year ago aside and just move on and forget about it, part of me just wants to keep on hating. I never realized what a weak person I am, and it scares me.


Lost.

My brother is getting married next year. Unreal. He and his fiance just moved into an old school house in Doylestown right down the street from kates house. I'm excited to finally get to spend time with him after barely seeing him for two years straight.

FUNNY.

This week....well what to say about this week. I hung out with some people I never thought I'd really hang out with, swam in a pool for the first time all summer, went pool hopping at two am with some of the best people, got attacked by seaweed, saw 500 days of summer, got my phone stolen at my favorite place to eat (HAHA), fell in love with my best friend all over again.


I really need to start bettering myself and stop worrying about the petty bullshit.

Left me in the cold and I miss you.

I know I'm being a retard girl about this and it's only been a day, but I miss my boyfriend so much. I know I'm a faggot I know I know I know. Three weeks is a long time though. wah.


On a lighter note, this picture basically sums up most of my high school experience.

I feel electric pink in the cheeks.

I had a super long talk with allie last night, it definitely made me realize a whole lot of shit. For the first time in my life I truly feel lost without any direction. I'm really unhappy with a lot of things that I need to change. It always feel good to make the people you hate feel lower than dirt. Well deserved my friend, well deserved. Have a nice life.

I can't wait to eat uncle bills, sleep on the beach, and spend a week with my best friend.

No, but really.

I feel like I'm stuck in the same place while everyone around me is running ahead. It sucks when out of nowhere people just try and barge back into your life and try and make things "OK". I'm still lonely as anything. I feel really small and insecure and vulnerable. I need some kind of a pick me up.

You Vandal.

Why am I having such a hard time with this? It's not even that long, besides I'm not going to be home for any of it. I may or may not hibernate for the rest of the day, depending on if anyone asks me to hang out. Or else I'm just gonna kinda sit here and sulk. Nothing wrong with that I suppose. At least Billy Madison is on.

I always read/look at things that I know will upset me, even though they're all in the past and will stay that way. Curiosity killed the cat.

Being nosy and curious hasn't really gotten me anywhere in life. It's time to stop.