Old enough to know better, young enough to pretend.

2009-10-06T17:52:00.000-04:00

www.babiidanii.wordpress.com

What do you do when it twists all around?

2009-09-09T10:16:00.002-04:00

I need to start putting things more into perspective. I need to stop over analyzing every little thing and just accept things/people/situations for how good or bad they are and just accept it. I need to take a step back and take everything in. I'd like a nice two week vacation, preferably back to the beach. My stay was far shorter than I had hoped it'd be, but that's because I had to go back to the work/school reality thing. That's life, that's growing up, and I need to stop being a huge baby and accept it. I need to stop being so down on myself all the time and just accept the way I am. I need to be happy with myself.

I hope this year goes by really fast. I'm not looking forward to my upcoming birthday for obvious reasons. I also need to stop being a baby, really, it'd do me some good. Grow up, suck it up, and shut up.

This is probably my last post for a really long time.

Lose yoself.

2009-09-07T19:08:00.001-04:00

What a nice weekend at the shore/city...now back to reality. I wonder how much longer I'll be able to stand this place.

Trees seem a little deader.

2009-09-02T12:06:00.002-04:00

I have to keep telling myself it's not so bad. It's not where I want to be, but, it's not so bad. If I just keep my nose in those books, I'll be okay. I feel really far away from everyone. I hate still living in the suburbs. It's too boring. I'm really worried things aren't going to work out for me. One anxiety leads to another...and another...and another...

In other news, my boyfriend is wonderful and is honest to god probably one of the very few things making me happy right now. I need a change of scenery, and a long vacation.

For the first time in my life

2009-08-31T23:14:00.001-04:00

I feel like i have absolutely no control over anything going on.

Jimmy Brooks.

2009-08-28T18:39:00.002-04:00

Alright, it's really weird to me that Aubrey Graham aka Jimmy Brooks aka "Drake" is now a famous rap star? I've been watching Degrassi: The Next Generation since I was about 11, and ever since I could remember, or at least in most episodes, Jimmy has tried to jump-start some sort of a rap career; and now he's Drake? He's actually a famous rapper? This is really weird to me and I have a hard time taking it in sometimes. Wheel chair Jimmy, Jimmy who dated Ashley, Jimmy who got shot, Jimmy who was a virgin on the show, NOW HAS A FAIRLY SUCCESSFUL MUSIC CAREER? It rules. I love Drake forever.

Goes to college...

2009-08-25T22:30:00.003-04:00

Boston was wonderful. I didn't want to go home. Not to quote have heart or anything but it really is beautiful. Spending three days in a random city with my best friend was just what I needed. I start my first day of college tomorrow. I'm nervous and not excited at all. I really don't want to go, especially not to this school, but I'll suck it up and deal with it. wahh wahh wahh.

I've also come to the conclusion that I let myself go... really really bad. I need to start taking better care of myself again / exercising more / eating better and getting an adequate amount of sleep each night (if possible).

Where there's a will, there's a way.

2009-08-18T20:37:00.002-04:00

Big slumber party in Kelsey's room, suicide file, blacklisted (never disappoints), seeing people I normally never get to see, sweating out all the water I drank and more, Buffalo Bill, my security guard girl, girl talks, snuggling, and more. TIH has defiantly been the highlight of my summer. The weekend was everything I hoped it'd be in more. Now I'm off to Boston, the beach for one last time, then school and Blink 182.

Goes to college.

2009-08-13T15:19:00.000-04:00

I start school next week. This is a weird feeling.

I am me and I am mine.

2009-08-12T00:30:00.002-04:00

I guess I've sort of come to accept that people come in and out of your life, and that's just the way it is. Sometimes you can't do anything about it. It's a never ending cycle of growing up and changing, and that's just how it is. I guess I'm trying to accept things for how they are and to stop focusing on the bad and just focus on the good.

I'm really debating on going through with getting my saves the day tattoo within the next week or so. I'm a puss when it comes to keeping things from my parents, but I might just do it.

Can't stop.

2009-08-09T17:52:00.001-04:00

I haven't seen flashdance, but god damn do I love the music. I can't stop listening to these songs.

2009-08-07T20:17:00.001-04:00

Still grasping for friends. Excited for school to start. Just want summer to end.

Lost in an illusion.

2009-08-04T00:35:00.002-04:00

Not only do I feel like I'm living in a bubble, but I feel like I've been sort of grasping for friends at this point.

Part of me just wants to put all of the bullshit that happened a year ago aside and just move on and forget about it, part of me just wants to keep on hating. I never realized what a weak person I am, and it scares me.

Lost.

2009-08-03T11:46:00.000-04:00

My brother is getting married next year. Unreal. He and his fiance just moved into an old school house in Doylestown right down the street from kates house. I'm excited to finally get to spend time with him after barely seeing him for two years straight.

FUNNY.

2009-07-31T22:23:00.004-04:00

This week....well what to say about this week. I hung out with some people I never thought I'd really hang out with, swam in a pool for the first time all summer, went pool hopping at two am with some of the best people, got attacked by seaweed, saw 500 days of summer, got my phone stolen at my favorite place to eat (HAHA), fell in love with my best friend all over again.

I really need to start bettering myself and stop worrying about the petty bullshit.

Left me in the cold and I miss you.

2009-07-25T11:01:00.003-04:00

I know I'm being a retard girl about this and it's only been a day, but I miss my boyfriend so much. I know I'm a faggot I know I know I know. Three weeks is a long time though. wah.

On a lighter note, this picture basically sums up most of my high school experience.

I feel electric pink in the cheeks.

2009-07-24T11:37:00.003-04:00

I had a super long talk with allie last night, it definitely made me realize a whole lot of shit. For the first time in my life I truly feel lost without any direction. I'm really unhappy with a lot of things that I need to change. It always feel good to make the people you hate feel lower than dirt. Well deserved my friend, well deserved. Have a nice life.

I can't wait to eat uncle bills, sleep on the beach, and spend a week with my best friend.

2009-07-22T23:56:00.000-04:00

No, but really.

2009-07-21T14:58:00.001-04:00

I feel like I'm stuck in the same place while everyone around me is running ahead. It sucks when out of nowhere people just try and barge back into your life and try and make things "OK". I'm still lonely as anything. I feel really small and insecure and vulnerable. I need some kind of a pick me up.

You Vandal.

2009-07-19T13:52:00.004-04:00

Why am I having such a hard time with this? It's not even that long, besides I'm not going to be home for any of it. I may or may not hibernate for the rest of the day, depending on if anyone asks me to hang out. Or else I'm just gonna kinda sit here and sulk. Nothing wrong with that I suppose. At least Billy Madison is on.

I always read/look at things that I know will upset me, even though they're all in the past and will stay that way. Curiosity killed the cat.

Being nosy and curious hasn't really gotten me anywhere in life. It's time to stop.

You're just the same as me.

2009-07-15T12:47:00.005-04:00

I know this sounds lame but it's really bumming me out how everyone hates each other all of the sudden. I feel like I have no friends anymore.

I guess I sort of chose to cut certain people out of my life. Now I regret it more than ever. I don't want to do this whole growing up thing anymore. I take everything I said about how much I want to be out of high school/how much I hate it/etc back. I wish I could do it all over again. I'd probably do almost everything differently. Everyone was right when they told me I'd miss it. I'm not ready to be an "adult" and to go to college and to have a real life. I'm honestly scared as fuck for the future and for everything that's gonna happen. I guess it's my fault things are the way they are, I have no one to blame but myself. As soon as I get close to people, I shut them out. Why? Obviously because of the common fear of being fucked over/betrayed/etc. I worry too much and over think things and I'm trying really hard to change that. I miss being around my best friend all the time. I hate that I only get to see her here and there, I don't really think she understands it either. It sucks feeling like people don't want to be around you anymore I miss my close knit group of girlfriends/friends in general. I'm really lonely and it sucks. I don't feel like I belong to anything anymore. I always thought this would be the best summer of my life, I guess I was pretty wrong. wahh wahh wahh. I'm gonna shut up and end this before I whine anymore.

I need to change a lot of things, and fast.

I need another milkshake too.

PMA.

2009-07-13T12:38:00.003-04:00

This weekend has been incredible and it was just what I needed. House show/hangouts in the city friday, Slambfest and some really nice quality time with my wonderful boyfriend, and then Blacklisted with some awesome people yesterday. It was a real pick me up after the way I've been feeling for the past few weeks. I'm extremely thankful for my friends, family, and especially my wonderful boyfriend who have all been putting up with all my stupid bullshit. I'm starting to feel better and I hope it progresses. I'm trying to take things day by day for what they are rather than over analyzing everything and looking way too into the future and thinking everything is going to turn into complete shit. I'm trying real hard to start thinking more positively, and I think it's working.

2009-07-09T18:47:00.000-04:00

Got a call from the doc, hopefully what she suggests works.

2009-07-08T15:23:00.002-04:00

Tomorrow I should find out what's been wrong with me. I hope it's what I think it is.

He War.

2009-07-03T16:25:00.004-04:00

Start thinking more positively, take things/people for what they are, stop having such high expectations, try and appreciate the little things a bit more, stop being so insecure, don't expect people to do things for you, don't expect things in return, don't be a girl and over analyze everything; it's probably the worst thing, exercise more, eat (more good food), go sky diving, go to the beach more, let go of negative feelings because of bad past relationships; the present is different and amazing, be happy, live spontaneously.

Note to self:

2009-06-29T12:38:00.000-04:00

NEVER EVER "overdose" on birth control pills. I never want to feel this way, ever again. At least I know it's just stupid hormones and there's nothing seriously wrong with me. Phew.

that's what princesses do.

2009-06-28T20:02:00.003-04:00

I can't wait for 500 days of summer, bruno, that new disney princess movie, and a bunch of others I can't think of. I want descendents vans, a sewing machine, and a bunch of dresses that I should not blow all my money on because I gotta get a new computer soon. I've been really overly anxious lately and sad, and it's because my body's all messed up for various reasons and I gotta go to the doctor. I want flowers. Preferebly peonies or roses. I need more hours at work, and my boss gave me keys so I feel important. I really want a kitten too, a tuxedo kitten with green eyes. I wanna have a good fourth of July/rest of the summer because it's been really iffy since it's started. I have to pick out all my classes and whatnot for fall, and write out my thank you letters, AND cash a bunch of checks but I've been far too lazy. Today my mom gave me a lecture about how bad immodium is for you, WHATEVER. I hope forever 21 didn't lose my dresses in the mai, they should have been here by now. I can't wait to see away we go. Breakfast food is the best kind of food, ever, and should be eaten throughout all times of the day. Especially chocolate chip pancakes and bacon-including turkey bacon because that's really really good too. I'm watching princess protection program, it's probably the first disney channel movie I've watched in forever. It's cute, I love Selena Gomez and Demi Lovato. I wish I was friends with them. I wish I was back at the beach again. I wish my body wasn't so fucked up. I wish it'd rain, I like the rain. I can't wait to see my boyfriend. I've been in and out of sleep in pain all day. Some shit that's going on is sort of a bummer. I'm looking forward to a lot of things this summer, but also dreading a lot of them as well. Probably dreading more maybe? I think I start school in August, so my sumer's gonna be real short. I can't wait for my birthday even though it's like five months away. I want this whole year over with so I can (hopefully) be in Temple and already be living on my own in the city. I can't be selfish but I sort of already am with certain things. It's kind of stinky but whatever.

Closing Time.

2009-06-23T22:35:00.002-04:00

I did it. I made it out alive without going absolutely insane. It feels really amazing to finally be done high school but at the same time I'd love to go back and relive all of it for a week or something. I feel so old right now even though I'm really not. It's kind of a scary/exciting feeling at the same time.

I've been at the beach for the past four days and it's been quite amazing despite the shitty weather. Wildwood and girls night shore edition were so fun. I wanna go back!

My mind won.

2009-06-18T10:37:00.002-04:00

I just woke up from the worst nightmare I've had in a really long time. It felt so realistic that it was really hard for me to wake up. I need to get rid of all this stupid anxiety over things that probably won't ever happen, I just really don't know how though. It's really getting in the way of one of the best things in my life right now and if I lost it because of my stupid insecurities I don't know what I would do.

2009-06-14T16:41:00.000-04:00

Time to move on and forget about all of this. It's no good. I just need some help, patience, and a good nights sleep.

2009-06-09T15:44:00.001-04:00

I'm starting to get really bummed again regarding my situation for the upcoming school year. I guess because I should have done more, and because it's not entirely what I want. I hope I can somehow find some good in the situation. I really wish I had my shit together.

2009-06-01T21:17:00.002-04:00

Help.

Where has time gone? Everything is happening so fast. I'm graduating in two weeks and it couldn't come any sooner. My new car is wonderful. Yet something is missing and I don't know what...I might...

2009-05-23T13:44:00.004-04:00

I couldn't focus in any of my school work, so I decided to take a nap to try and clear my head a little. I was about to doze off when my mom asks me to help bring in groceries. Of course I say no because I'm half asleep, she yells at me, I get up, and my new car is in the drive way. I've never been more greatful for anything in my life. I'm so excited to finally have air conditioning in my car. School ends in about 16 or so days (not counting weekends). I have three more projects to do (actually, one is done), hopefully I can take some days off between now and then. I'm super super busy until the end of June which I suppose is good. I need to have a good talk/need to whine to someone about things (preferably the girls) so if anyone is in a giving mood text me please. There are a ton of things I need to change, and I know I absolutely have the ability to do so. It'll take some time, but it can and will be done. If it's not, I could potentially fuck up one of the most incredible things in my life right now, and I'm not going to let that happen. I've come to realize you can control a majority of the things in your life (well, not for everyone). It's stupid to sit back and whine when you're in control of the situation.

I may delete this soon...

OH NO.

2009-05-18T16:16:00.003-04:00

So I had a pretty fantastic weekend. The mans slept over and waking up next to him ruled so much (even though he's a bed hog:) He's pretty much perfect.

I feel like I'm running in place. I feel like I'm exactly where I was a month ago. I feel like no time has passed and everyday feels exactly the same. It's just a weird feeling I guess. I've turned into this retarded person I've always tried to avoid. I guess sometimes bad shit just happens to make you a certain way. It just sucks when it affects people in your life who don't deserve it, and who aren't like the pervious person at all. Being paranoid sucks. GOTTA SHAKE IT OFF like mariah carey would say.

I'm tryin to go on a date once I get my new car, DRIVIN SOMEWHERE FANCY! WHO'S IN?! (and by fancy, i mean the beach or somewhere gay and far)

4.

2009-05-10T12:37:00.002-04:00

Is it just me or has everyone been bummed out lately? Four more weeks to go, which means three Mondays. Anxious, scared, overwhelmed for reasons that don't include going to college and graduating. I think I'm the only person in my grade who isn't sad about leaving or scared about college. I'm excited to actually be doing things I want to do. I'm excited to make things start happening for myself. I've randomly been busy, then not busy at all. It's kind of driving me nuts but either way I'm just going to keep myself busy so I don't sit here and cry about how I'm not out of school yet. Sleep.

Don't sleep, dream.

2009-05-06T19:57:00.003-04:00

Once these five weeks pass...I'll feel absolutely wonderful. Please go by fast, please. I'm so impatient and school is the only thing in my life that is making me miserable. I just want it to be done. I'm in college now, I go for placement testing Monday. My week is done today, tomorrow I'm going to Six Flags and then Friday I'm going to Hamilton NJ for a photo field trip. FIVE WEEKS, FIVE WEEKS, FIVE WEEKS AND THEN I'M FREE. fuck.

Anxiety asking.

2009-05-03T15:43:00.003-04:00

So about an hour ago I was trying to turn on to 611 from almshouse and instead of going up the hill, my car started sliding down and thank god there wasn't anyone behind me. My car was stalling and couldn't go forward and I thought my transmission went. I ended up causing a huge traffic jam and then it started working. I love my mini van.

eat, sleep, work, die.

2009-04-29T20:01:00.004-04:00

This whole get up at 6, go to school, come home, do nothing, sleep, repeat routine is really starting to get to me, it feels kind of lonely. As dumb as this sounds it's actually really starting to bum me out. I know I only have 7 more weeks until freedom but god damn that feels like such a long time. I'm definately trying to go to the beach soon.

June 19th...

Forgive me.

2009-04-28T18:04:00.000-04:00

I really really need some kind of a pick me up.

2009-04-23T20:11:00.002-04:00

I really wanna go to another saves the day date on this tour, really really bad. They're playing in Baltimore next Friday but I can't drive down so that's a problem, and the two dates in NYC are on weekdays. Oh well. I'm so so so sad I can't go, but I'd feel like shit if I missed out on my brothers graduation.

The next 8 weeks need to go by really really really fast.

Things I need to start doing:

2009-04-18T11:53:00.003-04:00

think before I open my mouth.
STOP making up stupid excuses for everything.
STOP being a lazy piece of shit.
Develop a better outlook on everything/life in general.
Sleep more.
Saving every paycheck (if at all possible, ha)
Stop being so nosey.
Be nicer.
Stop randomly taking my bad moods out on my mom.
Take my placement testing at Bucks.
STOP getting bummed out for absolutely NO reason.
Take my dog to a nice park or something, she's getting old.

I spend too much time focusing on my faults and things I don't like about myself, perhaps more than I should. I hate it because it really prevents me from having fun (last night).

Nutshell.

2009-04-15T18:21:00.004-04:00

Some people at work are VERY VERY annoying. I'm actually contemplating finding a new job. Anyone know of any places that are hiring?
These 9 weeks really need to hurry up. I can't take anymore school.
I have the best friends/boyfriend.
Awesome shows coming up.
Not getting out of school early is really messing with me.
I don't think coffee has an effect on me anymore other than completely killing my bladder.
Sweatpants.

Hooligans for life.

2009-04-09T17:26:00.004-04:00

The fourth marking period started yesterday, which means I have only ten weeks until graduation. I can't remember the last time I wanted anything so bad. I can't wait. I don't get out at 1 anymore which really sucks. I'm not used to having a fourth period (even though it's the easiest class ever). I'm taking photo four which I'm really excited about. My teacher is awesome and we're going on a field trip which I'm stoked about. nerd.

Last weekend I went to a phils game with kate for her birthday. It was so much fun despite being cold. I hadn't gone to a game since I was 8 and back then I was a huge yankees fan. SO WHAT. ALSO, on the topic of sports, the flyers made the playoffs!! However I do have a strong feeling that lord stanley will either go to the Bruins or the Sharks this year. But I'm a girl, what do I know about sports?

Not trying to be a nerd but my boyfriend rules and I enjoy when he calls me at 1am to talk so he doesn't fall asleep driving.

BREAK UNTIL TUESDAY.

Morning wood.

2009-04-05T09:03:00.004-04:00

Since the summer, I've had these really horrible confidence issues, and there are always random things that happen to somehow remind me of them or make them worse throughout any day. I know this is really stupid and whiny and I'll stop it with these, but I haven't felt this low about myself in awhile. It's a consistent "I'm not good enough" feeling that just sort of lingers and I don't know how to get rid of it.

Anyways, yesterday Kate and I went to the Phillies game for her birthday, which ruled. They lost and we froze most of the time but it was so much fun and I'd love to go to more, considering the last time I went to a Phillies game i was a Yankees fan. WE GOT A FREE TRAIN RIDE HOLLA! We hung out with Sean and Dan and Pookie and I fell asleep so we ended the night early cause I'm kind of a party pooper. I have easter break next week thank GOD.

I don't really think I'm going to my prom. It's just one more thing to stress out about and I don't even have a legitimate good group of friends I'd like to go with. I just don't really care enough and I don't think about it anyways.

When it isn't like it should be.

2009-03-31T16:58:00.002-04:00

What the fuck am I so afraid of? I really wish I could stop feeling this way. I was never like this before.

I never realized how sheltered my life has been up until now. I'm also way more naive than I had previously thought. I have a lot of growing up to do, but I won't get into that.

nebraska bricks.

2009-03-28T15:59:00.002-04:00

I haven't had a really good weekend in quite a long time. I'd like to change that. I'm super bummed about missing UB. That's what I get for waiting too long to make plans/buy tickets. But I'm going to see saves the day with Suzanne and Allie in April which should be fun, I'm excited especially since I've missed Saves The Day the last few times they were in town. If i can somehow get enough money, does anyone wanna fly out to sound and fury? I went tanning today and it made me realize that I'm a bit claustrophobic. I liked it though, it smelled like summer. I'M A NORMAL

and nothing less.

2009-03-25T19:55:00.004-04:00

I need to be okay with myself. What's going on this weekend? Also, ALK3 AND SAVES THE DAY?! I need to get my tickets.

Edit:

WHOO SO STOKED FOR SAVES THE DAYYYYYYYYYYYYY WOOF WOOF WOOF! ALSO, THERE ARE ONLY FIVE PHANTOMS GAMES LEFT BEFORE THE FRANCHISE MOVES TO PITTSBURGH. WHO WANTS TO GO?! I'M NOT ALLOWED TO DRIVE MY GRANDMA'S MINI VAN TO THE CITY BUT IF YOU DRIVE ME I'LL THROW IN GAS MONEY AND BUY YOU FOOD. PLZ.

also these songs rule.

The city is just beyond those clouds.

2009-03-22T15:14:00.003-04:00

If there was an award for procrastinating, I'd win hands down. This weekend was pretty good, and I really hope the upcoming weekend is decent at least since everyone and their mom is going to United Blood and I waited too long to make plans. Wahhh. I got a Saturday suspension this week because the teacher who caught me is a stupid fat hog cunt. The lady working the security office was nice enough to let me serve it April 18th instead of April 4th because I'm going to a Phillies game with kate. All I really have to do is clean for three hours. I'm a woman, it's what I'm best at.

Every weekday up until June 19 is going to be torture. Until then I hope I can find some happy medium.

Body in a box.

2009-03-18T14:18:00.004-04:00

My mom was nice enough to let me stay home today since we got home close to two last night. I slept until about 11:30 and woke up with a really bad feeling, which hasn't really gone away. I tried to keep myself occupied by doing laundry and watching tv but I really can't stop thinking about it. This sounds really dumb but I feel like there's nothing left in my tear ducts. I'm so exhausted from crying and thinking about everything. I just want it all to go away. I'm sick and tired of feeling this way. This weather isn't even helping me.

I miss you so much.

Pretty pretty kids with the tired tired eyes.

2009-03-16T13:44:00.002-04:00

Saturday and Sunday were just what I needed. I have the absolute best friends/boyfriend, and everyone definately made me feel better. Coming home last night sucked. I got really bummed so I just went to sleep really early. I'm dreading tomorrow more than anything. I really can't be in my house. I need to be around people.

I want to live in america.

2009-03-14T16:51:00.002-04:00

It really sucks losing a relationship with someone you really care about, and then finding out they're dead in a motel room. It sucks that my family had virtually no relationship with my uncle for the past two years. It was mostly his fault, but either way, it still sucks and I'm really going to miss him. He and I were so god damn close when I was younger. I remember everytime I used to see him, he'd pick me up, spin me around, and sing this to me

RIP uncle oscar. thank you for teaching me how to say octopus in spanish, thank you for letting me smack your bald head as hard as i wanted to, thank you for playing the airplane game with me as much as i wanted to, and thank you for watching cops with me at 2 am in my basement and not telling my parents. I wish things didn't fall apart.

I woke up at four in the morning with this song stuck in my head.

2009-03-14T09:15:00.000-04:00

Anywhere is better than here.

2009-03-09T15:29:00.003-04:00

I could write another post about how fucking sick and tired I am of school and how I can't wait to graduate but I'm not. GOD DAMNIT.

This weekend was good minus Friday. I really hate first friday. It lost its fun mid jr year. It made me miserable so instead of going to a party I went home and slept. The show Saturday was really fun despite being super tired but it was super nice out aka SHORTS WEATHER. The diner after was real fun. Halfway through the night allie invited me to sleep over her house with Suzanne and Erica which was fun. No dressing up or anything, just bathroom talks about serious stuff haha. It still ruled. I went to bed at 7 yesterday SERIOUSLY WTF AND I'M STILL TIRED WAHH WAHH WAHH.

I love you, Ne-Yo.

Secede.

2009-03-03T14:25:00.002-05:00

I really wish I wasn't so tired all the time. I know I say it a lot but it's true. I'm so miserable when I don't get any sleep and I never wanna hang out or do anything. All I wanna do is just go home and lay in bed. It turns me into the biggest bitch in school. I seriously hate almost everyone I see in school just because it's school. I wouldn't give two shits if it was anywhere else. I really can't wait to graduate. I wouldn't hate school as much if I didn't have to wake up at the crack of dawn every damn day. I know I'll probably miss high school one day when I wake up and I'm 30 thinking "WHAT THE FUCK?!!@#$".

I really hate when my mom doesn't inform me that people are coming to work on our house. I hate coming home to complete strangers. It creeps me out. Seriously, all I wanna do is eat all the food in my kitchen and walk around with no pants on but it's really hard when some strange man who doesn't speak english is in my way. I think I'm going to stop my volunteer work soon. As much as I love spending time with the cats, it's become more of a chore to wake up at 9 every Saturday. I know it's not that early or anything, but I'd really like to be able to sleep in as late as I want more than one day a week. I feel really run down.

Take me I'm yours.

2009-03-02T00:22:00.004-05:00

This weekend was pretty fucking awesome. Girls night at allies after the show Friday was so much fun even though stinky boys invaded. We dressed up and went to Genaurdi's, only to find out we forgot money but eventually we got icing and Mariana pretty much baked the whole damn cake and it was so good. I love my friends so much.

Saturday I had to work in the morning and of course the register didn't work. SO I had to use the calculator until my boss could come in and fix it which really sucked. Some old guy was being a huge dick about it but THAT HAPPENS IN RETAIL. Edison was cool even though I felt sick on the way there.

I don't have school tomorrow and I'm stoked. I'm in such a good mood right now. I get to sleep in, I'm seriously dating the cutest most awesome boy ever, and my friends fucking rule. WOOF WOOF.

SO

2009-02-27T17:20:00.003-05:00

I basically have the best fucking friends ever. Since I couldn't attend the flyers carnival my good friend kyle got upshall to sign a puck for me=] (AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH) and my friend amanda took me to wednesday nights game against the kings (which was a win, by the way:) My hair smells really fucking awesome and I'm in the best mood=]

Thank you Shannyn Sossomon

2009-02-22T12:34:00.004-05:00

for making me not hate having my boring dark features and the fact that my upper lip curls up quite a bit when i
smile.

what the hell.

2009-02-21T14:14:00.002-05:00

I have some of the most bizarre dreams. I hate it. The worst is when I wake up pissed off/upset thinking it's real.

I've been throwing around the idea of doing a photozine type thing for quite a bit. I have a lot of ideas and I've (kinda) figured out how to do it, I just need some money haha. It's not going to be out anytime soon though.

2009-02-17T13:33:00.003-05:00

Best weekend.
I'm so tired.
I'm starting to not be so afraid anymore...
My english teacher gave me another book to read, it's by the author of kite runner since it's my new favorite book.
Eating cake batter is such a bad idea...so is eating before you work out.

Mother father sister brother.

2009-02-12T19:12:00.002-05:00

Despite the fact that they can get really really annoying sometimes, I think I have the best parents in the world. I love how I can make retarded sex jokes with them and not even feel awkward or freaked out.

Be patient.

2009-02-11T07:47:00.005-05:00

I've been way too tired but I get to sleep in again tomorrow which is awesome. The show last night was cool. It was small but still fun. This weather has put me in such a good mood. I need a new pair of black pants real bad. I also need to get paid. The other day my accounting teacher came up to me and told me del val offers a free ride to one accounting major a year and that I should go for it. Really? I suck at math and I was suprised she actually came up to me and said that but it's always good to know a teacher has faith in you.

nevermind!! i think! maybe?

Time to let this pass.

2009-02-07T13:46:00.005-05:00

I absolutely hate the fact that I've been afraid to drive anywhere new/far since I got into my car accident. I get way too nervous and scared. This is what I didn't want to happen.

It would actually be really cool if someone started video taping shows. It'd be cool to see some nicely done live footage with sweet lenses and angles and whatnot. It'd be something different and cool that I've never seen anyone around here do.

Edit:

Despite not looking forward to this weekend at all, it ruled. I hung out with some of the best people, hardly slept, and had nice wawa dinners.

I love my job, despite the fact that I haven't been making much lately. One of the best parts about it is the fact that I know people actually want to be in the store. It's not like the grocery store where people go in all miserable because they HAVE to be in there. Most of the time I just sit there and listen to customers ramble on about their pets, and for the most part they're really really kind people. One time I was ringing this lady up while she was telling me a story about how her dog died. We both got really teary eyed and just kept talking and a pretty long line formed behind her. It's weird but it's that kind of stuff that really makes me appreciate the fact that I'm one of the few kids that didn't end up with a shitty first job.

Everyone's depressed and broke.

2009-02-05T13:52:00.005-05:00

So tell me what annoys you and or has been really annoying you lately. I'm curious. I have a laundry list. I need to get out of this funk I've been in. I need to do SOMETHING really fun to get my mind off the stupid shit I've been thinking about.

I find this song extremely catchy.

2009-02-04T18:07:00.003-05:00

Also, today at work this lady came in and told me about how her daughter makes a ton of money making random videos like this one.

and then she asked me if I had seen 2 girls 1 cup and told me about that video. It's actually her mother and the ladies daughter made it. I lol'd.

Stay Gold.

2009-02-03T16:29:00.004-05:00

so pretty.

Today wasn't too bad. I got out at one and had lunch with my mom which was nice. After I went to Kates for a little to play with chlo since she was busy doing school work. She looked so cute all concentrated hahaha.

I have too many horrible preconcieved notions about dating. I feel like it might be due to the fact that last year all the guys I dated were too close together and I didn't have anytime to really collect myself or be by myself. Or maybe I'm just a fucking idiot. Either way, I need to stop being like this because I don't really think I want to be alone forever.

On a lighter note, I hate Kate for showing this to me.

I've noticed that a lot of my older friends/family didn't get into the colleges they wanted to get in to, but somehow things worked out and they seem like they're having the time if their lives. For instance, my brother didn't get into Millersville and ended up going to Pitt as his last choice, he's having the time of his life and I'm pretty sure he met his future wife. I just hope somehow things work out for me. I've fucked up a lot and I just really want to be happy with my choices when I'm done here.

I've been so lonely.

Start Today.

2009-02-02T16:39:00.003-05:00

Today was the start of new classes. It was such a god damn long day, I couldn't stand it. Thank god I'm almost done. I swear I'll be so much happier and I'll have such a better outlook on life once I'm out of here.

The weather the past two days has been fucking awesome. This weekend ruled too. Friday on the way home from kevins I got a fucking flat tire, Saturday I went to marissas apt with sean and met up with a bunch of people there and just hung out all night. Pookie drove me home and the next day we went to the Cold World show.

I can't wait until March. The rest of this month (with the exception of next weekend) is going to suck balls. Valentines day will be stupid as always, maybe I'll try and work that day or something so I don't have to sit at home while all my friends are out or something.

This is the time of year where everything that annoys me is multiplied by 10000. God fucking damnit.

cannot wait to get my feet tattooed.

Sick sleazy and weighs a ton.

2009-01-29T21:20:00.005-05:00

Yesterday I went over Kates and ate a shit ton of food while watching Nick and Norah on her laptop. It was actually really fun. I love the fact that most of the time when we're hanging out, we don't really have to do much of anything and we can still have fun.

I applied to bucks today. I decided my major is going to be psychology and I'm just going to see where it goes from there. Hopefully I can take some of the photo classes they offer along with all those stupid standard classes. I really have to push myself so I can get out of there within a year and head on to Temple.

While it's been really nice having two random days off in the middle of the week, I've been really overly tired and sleepy. I need to do something really fun this weekend.

Scared to love.

2009-01-27T16:38:00.002-05:00

I'm so excited to finally get to sleep all day tomorrow, even though the weathers supposed to be shitty. I'm really excited for my photo 4 class because my teacher showed me all the cool projects we're going to do. It's a lot of stuff I've never seen or heard of before and I can't wait because it all looks and sounds really really cool. I love shooting film even though it's more difficult than shooting digital. I've decided when I'm older and have my own house, I want to have a studio type room and a dark room. I also really want to get my feet tattooed. I have my idea planned out and everything and I love it. I also want a scanner and a god damn laptop. There are too many things I want and I don't have enough money for everything.

Apparently my workplace has cut back business hours by one hour which actually rules because it makes working on Friday and Saturday nights more bearable.

Why find a nice way to tell you you suck?

2009-01-26T17:16:00.003-05:00

I woke up in the middle of the night because my throat was killing me, and I couldn't fall back asleep. I only went to school because I had an International Relations final essay and I hate making stuff like that up.

I have a day off and two half days this week. That should be really really nice. I think I'm starting to get better, but I really can't tell. I'll feel fine during the day, then I'll wake up in the middle of the night feeling horrible again. I can't wait for 60-70 degree weather, and upcoming shows.

Can anyone recommend me a fairly cheap laptop that isn't a piece of shit? I'd be using it for photo editing as well as just the regular stuff.

Sore throat syndrome.

2009-01-25T16:14:00.002-05:00

If it wasn't so cold.

2009-01-22T15:44:00.003-05:00

I've been sick in bed for the past two days. While it sucks being sick, it's nice to just lay in bed all day and do nothing. I went to the doctor yesterday and my strep test came back negative, probably because she had a really hard time swabbing my throat. Apparently I have swollen glands on my neck which meaning I have a viral infection in my throat? Anyway they said they'd let me know if I actually have strep in three days. WHATEVER.

I've also been really sleepy on top of that. I was supposed to present my graduation project today but I knew there was no way in hell that would happen when I woke up this morning so I'm presenting tomorrow after school. I'm pretty nervous. I suck at doing presentations in school. My mouth always gets super dry and I start to talk really really fast, meaning I need to somehow add on to my speech to make it a bit longer. I know for a fact I'm going to pass, but I'm still nervous as hell.

It's supposed to be kinda warm tomorrow, I'm really stoked on that, plus the title fight show. I hope it doesn't snow on Saturday.

STOKED.

2009-01-19T17:12:00.004-05:00

http://www.worldmovesfast.com/blog/

If you scroll down a few entries they used my pictures along with the link. I know it sounds really lame, but seriously I get so stoked whenever anything like this happens. I think I've progressed a lot in the past three years and finally seeing my stuff in t-shirts, records, zines, cds, etc makes me so incredibly happy.

Anyways, this weekend was one of the best I've had in a long time. Friday I froze my ass off and hung out with Sean and some cool dudes. Saturday I almost died going to Scotts and then went to the Edison show with him, Ott, Rycal, and Preston. It was actually overly crowded but it was awesome nonetheless. Sunday I worked all day which was super boring but at least my next paycheck should be decent. After work I went to Kates and ate meatballs and then we headed to the show which was so much damn fun, lots of dancing. Micheals after was super fun, there were like 20 of us or so, left the diner at 1:30, Marissa and I were scared shitless driving to allies but made it alive. Oreo pie is so fucking good even though I hated it the first bite or two. Allie, Mariana and I took a joyride to Doylestown. Kate, Suzanne, Allie and I failed trying to dance to Beyonce and B. Spears and worked up quite a good sweat. I think I was the first one to pass out. Overall, some awesome talks, pwns, food, dancing. I love these girls so much. Also, Allie makes really good eggs.

Saying bye to Mariana sucked:( I'm going to miss her so much:(

Two zero two.

2009-01-16T13:00:00.002-05:00

I left school early due to "throwing up during b lunch" aka I'm just overly tired and need to sleep. Anyways, yesterday I went to Living Arts with Dan and Mariana to watch Dan get tattooed. I'm going to miss those two a lot when they leave for Chicago. I ended up getting a 20$ parking ticket for an expired meter? For some reason I thought meters were free after a certain period of time but oh well.

I'm very very excited for this weekend. Hopefully the batteries for my battery grip work because they didn't last time and it was slightly annoying.

Quiet evening.

2009-01-13T17:43:00.003-05:00

I think my whiny moods are a mixture of PMS, lack of sleep, and the weather. I should just probably not update this as often as I do now. I've come to realize that I really don't take rejection well, I'm very very hard on myself, and I don't handle stress or pressure too well. I guess those are things I need to work on. I absolutely hate the question "hear back from any colleges yet?". I'd rather not discuss.

I know I'm absolutely capable of getting to where I want to be and I know for a fact I'm going to get there, I'm just upset I can't be there as soon as I would like to be. I guess beggers can't be choosers though.

I'm just excited for the next few weekends even though generally January and (especially) February suck. Except for Mariana moving:(

I should also try and not get annoyed over some of the things people do, but I really can't help it.

The irony is that you totally suck.

2009-01-12T15:33:00.004-05:00

Monday's are always the worst days. I forgot my psych final project which I actually worked pretty hard on and so now I have 10% off. I hate high school. It also really sucks when you find out people who you THOUGHT really cared about you lie to you. But hey, what can you do? People are huge pieces of shit half the time anyways.

The show yesterday was tons of fun despite the fact that Ringworm dropped off. Preston, Sean, Marissa, Allie and I went down to the city a little early to look at Marissa's absolutely gorgeous potential house/apartment in University City. Then we headed down to the show and suprisingly hardly anyone was there. We were gonna leave after War Hungry but we decided not to. I had some nice talks with Lily and Ed which ruled, especially since I never see Lily ever.

I'm having the worst time trying to concentrate today. My sleep patterns have been weird lately and I've been feeling really uncomfortable. I don't mind the cold but I don't like ice on my windshield or feeling like my fingers are going to snap off.

Home on a Saturday night.

2009-01-10T20:46:00.003-05:00

My parents are really weird when it snows outside. They're super paranoid I'll get into an accident and die or whatever. It sucks but I guess it's good that they actually care about me even though it's really fucking annoying because I've had the WORST week and I just wanted to go out and get my mind off of everything but NOOO. ANYWAYS. Yesterday I had work and it was pretty much dead from 6 o'clock on. I had to alphabetize dog baseball hats which actually took me forever because everything was way out of order and I kept having to start over. I don't understand why peddlers village is even open passed 6 or 7 this time of year, but oh well. I'm sure they lose a ton of money.

I never realized how bad the economy really was until I came into work and literally, everything in the store was on sale. My boss rarely puts anything on sale unless it's expired dog treats or something. Afterwords Kate, Sean, Rycal and I went to the diner. We didn't stay long because sean had to get Marissa so the remaining three of us had a mini van soccer mom sing along which was fun. This morning I woke kate up and we went to Perkins. Despite how much being home sucks, at least I can finish homework or something, watch the flyers game, and the rest of it's always sunny and just be lazy and fat.

/annoying pointless post.

Casey & Me.

2009-01-07T17:51:00.005-05:00

I think I finally figured out why my dad always refers to my dog as "Sneaky bastard". She's always found some way to steal food from the pantry, the table, and even off your plate when you're not looking. We've always been able to catch her and prevent her from stealing food but I seriously have NO idea how she got away with this one.

I woke up to (literally) a house full of dog shit this morning. She came in my room at midnight crying and I was too tired to comprehend the fact that she could have to take a shit so I kind of just brushed it off. I woke up at 7:45 to go to the bathroom only to find the carpet outside my room splattered with brown liquid. I thought it was puke for a second but I soon realized it definitely had to be poop. There was more at the end of the hallway...and in my parents room...and in the foyer...the kitchen...and even more in my parents room. I spent a good portion of the morning cleaning it up. Right when I came home from school I went upstairs to my parents room to check on her, and instead of finding more poop, i found a puddle of puke. I sat with her for a good hour to make sure she was alright. I let her outside to see if she had to let anymore fluids out, nothing.

SO, about 10 minutes ago my mom came in my room freaking out because apparently Casey had been stealing my fiber one bars and hiding them in the pebbles of my parents fire place (they have one of those automatic ones). So now this morning makes sense to me and I can't stop laughing.

Down.

2009-01-06T15:38:00.004-05:00

Too many things to do. Too many decisions to make. I'm so stuck between what I want to do next year. Go to Arcadia? Or go to bucks and transfer to Temple? I'm leaning more toward the second choice. I'm trying to outweigh the good and bad of both and then go from there. BUT then there's the whole putting together a portfolio (which I haven't started) and all that other junk. The good thing about waiting a year is I have time to develop a good portfolio and get my shit together. DECISIONS, DECISIONS.

I got my fisheye in the mail but I have yet to even take it out of the box and look at it. I think I'm buying either a 10-24mm lens or a 11-18mm lens and then that's it for awhile because I can't think of what else I want/need. I'll definately try to start saving more money even though that's a little harder these days.

I have not felt this down about myself and everything else in so long. I don't think I've ever felt this discouraged before. My psych final project is taking twice as long as it normally should because I can't focus, my mind keeps wandering. Turning off my phone didn't even help.

2009-01-04T19:37:00.005-05:00

I've seriously come to the conclusion that I will not make anything of myself. I'm not going to do shit with my life. It's pathetic. I don't even know if i want to fucking go to college anymore, I'm too fucking stupid to get accepted anywhere. I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do with myself. I'm not good at anything, I suck in general. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. Everyone's pissing me the fuck off.

It would also do my ass some good (literally) to stop eating so much god damn junk food.

The city is just beyond those clouds.

2009-01-04T14:08:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I spent the day in NYC with my aunt/godmother and two cousins. It was seriously fucking awesome, I wish I could live there forever. My aunt lives in the city on the weekdays and jersey on the weekends, and she has this awesome apartment on Madison st. I would fucking love to do something like that when I'm older. We spent some time in SoHo and then headed over to Chelsea Piers to watch my cousin Chloe's indoor soccer game which ruled. I also fail at using metro cards on buses. I forgot how crowded Times Square usually is. We saw Marley & me (again) and I cried (again). After that we headed back to Jersey because everyone was tired, and of course my mom couldn't pick me up like she told me she could earlier so I had to sleep over. I hardly slept but whatever. I put money in the bank meaning I have enough for a fisheye FINALLY. I'm so bummed break is over, damnit.

Break in the new year

2009-01-01T09:54:00.002-05:00

Last night was fun. The show was way better than I thought it would be. Despite not having too much interest in any of the bands, I had a lot of fun. My dress was really itchy, I sort of wish I didn't wear it. After a ton of us went to allies which ruled. I ate too much shitty food on the way over to her house that started to really not agree with me so I left a little early because I felt like a party pooper due to my aching stomach. But all in all it was fun. It was probably one of the best new years' I've had since I was like 12.

Who wants to go to that wonder years show at villa capri tomorrow? I know you have nothing better to do. ANDDD is anyone going to trapped under ice on the 4th?

YES WORK FOR SIX HOURS. not.

Jet Black New Year

2008-12-31T00:13:00.002-05:00

Holy fuck, Marley & me is so fucking sad. It's such a cute happy movie until the ending. I was seriously sobbing like a fucking baby. The thing not only acts like my dog, but it's a god damn yellow lab. I was really upset until Kate and I stuffed our faces at Perkins. I ate so much I had to unbutton my pants when I took a nap.

SO, 2008 was actually a really good year for me.

I met a lot of really awesome people and gained quite a few friends even though I lost a few. I also became closer with a few people.
I went to my first flyers game in about 10-12 years.
I witnessed my first Philadelphia championship victory (Phillies obv).
I got my first real job.
Although I should have gotten into about 354087 car accidents throughout the year, I got into my first one a few weeks ago. And of all the places I drive to, it was on the way to school. Anyway I love my mini van.
I made honor roll for the first time since the end of 10th grade.
Dated one of the worst humans.
Went to a lot of awesome shows.

Yadda yadda, the list goes on but it would have gotten even more cheesy. Last new years eve was horrible. Things didn't work out as I would have liked them too and I just ended up going to that awful new years eve show with sean. We left kinda early and went to the diner for a little bit. Then we went to my house and while I was being a debbie downer in my bed, he was jumping all over me singing cro mags. I started off the year really shitty even though it turned out to be a great one. I hope 2009 is just as good, if not better.

Money to burn

2008-12-28T14:43:00.002-05:00

I really need to start saving my money. I need to stop going to wawa everyday and eating take out and buying shit just because it's on sale. I don't even have enough hangers for my clothes. I need to stop. Oh is anyone good at sewing? I need a bunch of band shirts taken in.

I'm so sore but I feel fucking awesome. I'm dying my hair back to black on tuesday. Can't wait.

Change Places.

2008-12-27T09:30:00.002-05:00

I love how my mom likes to give me some of my presents two days after christmas. Either that, or she totally forgets about some of the stuff she got me. It's silly, I love her. She just gave me poloriod film, dark chocolate pretzels, and some other little things. Last night was super fun. Kate, Dan and I just kinda drove around listening to loud obnoxious music and sat at this diner for like three hours playing hangman. My dad doesn't know shit about his iPod so I successfully taught him how to load all his cds onto the computer and into his iPod. Except they didn't go onto his iPod for some reason and now he's mad at me. hahahahha no care it's actually funny. I love my grandmas mini van. I think I might like it better than my old car.

off to play with kittehz. Who wants to hang out? I have work 'till nine tonight.

Christmas Vacation

2008-12-25T10:55:00.004-05:00

I love how crazy and loud my extended family is. Even though our christmases with eachother aren't the same since my grandmother died and everyone grew up and started hating eachother, I still love it.I ate so much good food at my aunts houses yesterday that I got so sick this morning. Thankfully everyone liked the gifts I got them (except kate hasn't gotten hers yet). I got the first two seasons of it's always sunny so I know what I'm doing for the rest of my break! My mom also got me a huge ugly doll pillow which was actually a total joke between kate and I but the thing is so comfortable I'm gonna take a nap on it later. My brother got me a little kids flyers jersey because I'm too small to fit into the adult ones. What a guy. My dad got an iPod and watching him open that thing up was like watching ralphie open up his red ryder bb gun.

EDIT
Since we're in the midst of getting our kitchen remodeled, we had to go out to get breakfast. We went to dunkin donuts of all places because obviously nothing is open with the exception of chinese food places. It was awesome, it reminded me of that scene at the end of a christmas story where the turkey or ham or whatever gets all messed up so they go out to eat chinese food. DD breakfast is actually really good.

I stopped by kates for a little so we could exchange gifts. She got me a purple aa deep v and the most retarded/hilarious christmas card ever.

I need some sleep real badly.

Kate better watch out!!

2008-12-23T21:03:00.000-05:00

7-1

2008-12-20T17:50:00.003-05:00

My dad and I went to the flyers vs caps game today. It was so much fun. It was the first game I had been to in about ten years. Aside from the 7-1 game victory, having awesome seats, and getting to see a good old friend of mine, for the first time in awhile I could tell my dad was really happy. It's always awesome to see him in a good mood because he's always so stressed out from work and whatnot. It was a nice break from us getting into arguments everyday this week. Hockey is definately the first thing my dad and I have bonded over in awhile (well, since playing guitar) and I couldn't be any happier. Except he wishes I was into the eagles. OH WELL. We decided we're going to more games this season. I can't wait.

That whole wintry mix last night was no lof but for a night in by myself it wasn't too bad. I finally got to watch camp rock from beginning to end, and I ate about five bowls of cereal.

Our kitchen's almost done, and it looks great. It'll be nice to finally have a home cooked meal. Sleepovers over break plz?

I always get the short end of the stick.

2008-12-17T16:10:00.005-05:00

I don't know if it's my birth control making my psycho (i'm just about my fourth day in) or my car combined with my job issues. Either way this has absolutely been the shittiest most frustrating week and absolutely nothing seems to be going right. I think this is the first year ever that I'm not looking forward to christmas. I know awhile back I said I was, but right now I'm really not.

I'll stop whining eventually.

Frustration.

2008-12-15T19:55:00.003-05:00

Today instead of going to school I went to visit Arcadia with my brother, his girlf and her parents. It's a really nice school and I'm definitely considering it for my second choice, but I still prefer temple. Afterwords I went home and slept for two hours and woke up in the shittiest mood. My brother had to come in my room and make fun of me for the accident and then tell me how he comes first in the family. I love my brother and everything but sometimes he's such a god damn fucking dick when he comes home. That was the last thing I needed and now I'm just moping around feeling shitty and sorry for myself. I was doing really good about not thinking about my accident and car/being sad over it and of course he has to act like a self righteous prick. wahh wahh wahh pitty me. And then he goes on a rampage about how if I end up going to bucks for a year I'm "never going to get out" / "make" something of myself. Of course he's comparing me to his friends who are total piece of shit slackers. Big brothers suck a majority of the time. Except I love it when his girlfriend Alyssa yells at him for being a dick to me and puts him in his place and he totally shuts up. I hope they get married. Why haven't they been dating for the past 18 years?

Is it fall yet? Seriously. OH WAIT. I haven't even been accepted to college LOL.

This is going to be the absolute worst and slowest week. I'm sure the following week will be the same. I'm not even looking forward to break anymore. I just want to sleep all day.

all i have to say is:

2008-12-14T21:50:00.004-05:00

ALL THA SINGLE LADIES
ALL THA SINGLE LADIEZZZZ
PUT YA HANDS UP

IF YOU LIKED IT THAN YOU SHOULDA PUT A RIIIINGNG ON IT

Show a little back bone.

2008-12-14T01:21:00.002-05:00

With that being said, I actually had a really good day thanks to Joie calling me and asking me to go christmas shopping with her. We took pictures on santas lap and then went to taylors so she could drop a few things off and then to my suprise I saw kate. It was awesome because I wasn't expecting to see her. Then we went to klops and just hung out there with a bunch of people which ruled. All in all it was a good night and I feel fine. I'm just tired.

Accident Prone.

2008-12-12T13:39:00.005-05:00

I definately woke up in a weird mood and for some reason I had a feeling I would somehow crash my car on the way to school. WHAT DO YOU KNOW. I rear end a girl from my school because I'm a fucking retard and I wasn't paying attention to the fact that she was in front of me while I trying to merge. Kate hit her head but she's okay, I'm physically okay, my car...I don't know really. It was smoking and my headlight completely fell out and shattered, the other one is hanging from wire. My dad said if it costs more than 500 or so to fix we're junking my car:-/ The other girl is fine and she didn't seem mad about it at all. She had one of those old fucking cadillacs or whatever and her cars a fucking brick so if course nothing happened to hers which is good, for her at least. I'm just really embarassed and ashamed of myself because it was my fault and it could have easily been avoided. Not only that but now I don't have a car to drive so I'm stuck home. I'm just really really mad at myself and people are sending me retarded texts asking me if my parents are mad at me. The answer is NO, they're not mad at me one bit. It's not like I did it on purpose. It's funny how a random stranger stopped to see if I was okay, and all the kids I knew at school just stared at me and drove passed me. I don't even know if I have anything to drive in over break. I should just move to Lancaster where I can just ride a horse and buggy. At least those never crash into eachother. I think.

I guess there's a first for everything, right?

FUCK MY CAR. I hope it gets fixed real soon or something. it's my little station wagon with dog stickers=[

OKAY

2008-12-12T05:15:00.000-05:00

This reminds me of a new age xanga. FUCK.

Sorry about that.

2008-12-11T15:20:00.003-05:00

Today in psych I was talking with two of my good friends, who just so happen to be in long term relationships about how they're going to deal with being in a relationship, along with going away to college. They both seemed pretty stressed out about it and it made me realize that being in one now would be so stressful considering I don't even know what I'm doing next year and I don't want to be put in that position and feel like I have to revolve my plans for next year around someone else. Call me selfish, but that's the last thing I want. I guess I need to be a little selfish right now and just figure my life out before letting anyone else in. SO, when people ask me "oh, what don't you date so and so?!?!" well, there's a large part of my answer. Don't get me wrong, a boy/cute cuddle buddy sounds absolutely awesome right now especially since it's cold out but it's not really what I need. Actually, a cuddle buddy would be nice. So would a huge Macintosh scented Yankee candle.

I hate the way my body deals with my periods. It seriously makes everything so shitty. My stomach feels fucking huge and I feel like someone just piled a ton of bricks onto my lower abdomen and a 3000000000 pound man is sitting on them.

AT LEAST I LIKE MY HAIR CUT.

Unlearn.

2008-12-09T20:03:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow during the last half of first block we're having an assembly about sending n00dz...seriously what the fuck. It's going to be so funny considering a good 85% of those girls sitting in the audience are naked somewhere on a random strange boys phone. Actually, multiple phones.

I fucking hate the whole process of the menstrual cycle, especially since mine's a good couple days late. FUCK THIS I HAVE BEEN FEELING LIKE BLOATED HUNGRY TIRED SHIT FOR THE PAST WEEK. I NEED RELIEF. Anyway I might be going to a hockey game or two this week with my brother? I'm so stoked. Even if it doesn't happen, I'm going to one in about two weeks thanks to a wonderful friend of mine:)

I got my hair cut today for the first time in almost a year and for the first time in forever I'm actually really really happy with it. It's exactly what I wanted. AND yesterday I bought a hoop nose ring and I had such a hard time trying to get it in. I just about pierced abother hole next to my existing one...I might just go back and have them put it back in for me. My nose was so red I looked like rudolph.

If you could hear the dreams I've had my dear.

2008-12-07T19:10:00.003-05:00

This weekend was great. Friday I went to see Tigers Jaw, then went to see 4 Christmases' with Allie, Mariana, and Liz. It was so much fun and I haven't laughed at a new movie in so long. Saturday I went over Kate's before the show and I love her family so fucking much. They're the only other family I know, besides mine, that still love me even though I walk around the house without pants and constantly make foul jokes. The show was so much fun. It was freezing and snowing but it was fine to drive in. In between bands Justin kept putting on random rap songs that were fun to dance to. Toward the end everyone got into a snowball fight then I went up to Perkasie and hung out which was super fun. I worked from 11-5 today and I'm so fucking tired. I hate peddlers village during festivals some days because it's so overwhelming. My boss has an open door policy so even though it was 20 degrees and windy as fuck we had to keep the door open. Sucked, but MONEY.

CHRISTMAS IS SOON. I'm so excited. I can't wait for all this chaos at work to be over. I love christmas carols but I really hate hearing the same ones over and over for five hours.

Tired Eyes.

2008-12-04T19:51:00.002-05:00

Psychology has easily become my favorite class as far as school goes. I love being able to sleep in two hours late and then go to psych class. I'm a nerd but it's seriously so fascinating. I ask a retarded amount of questions in that class. I could probably go on and on and on about all the stuff I learn because it's so god damn interesting. I haven't been this excited about learning since photo 1 sophomore year. /nerd

After watching the Victoria's Secret fashion show, I had the sudden urge to buy underwear(what a suprise) SO right after school I went to get some and I had one of those 10$ off things and I was so stoked and then they gave me another pair for free WHAT THE FUCK SO AWESOME. 7 pairs of undies for 15 dollars rather than 5 for 25. I also got some christmas shopping out of the way. I'M SO STOKED. Also, seriously someone go to the city with me to look at that ginormous christmas tree. OKAY.

SUCH A GOOD MOOD. UGH.

Tired Minds.

2008-12-03T18:23:00.002-05:00

I'm so tired. All I feel like doing right now is buying underwear and sleeping. I can't wait until christmas break. As soon as I was done complaining about how shitty my paycheck was, I got asked to work about three times this week, and one is a six hour day SO I'm very very happy about that. My grades are good so far but I'm really pissed I haven't gotten anything back from colleges. I don't know why I made that plural since I've only applied to one so far. I'm probably going to apply to arcadia this weekend. Over break I want to go to the city and look at the big fat christmas tree and all the pretty lights and decorations. I love Christmas carols but listening to the same ones over and over at work gets really really annoying. Speaking of work yesterday i told this lady to put her dog on the counter so I could give it a treat and it jumped up and kissed me. It was this cute little white fluffy thing. I love when I'm working and dogs try and come behind the counter and their owners get so embarrassed so they feel the need to yell at their dog. It's so cute.

Gutless.

2008-12-02T20:52:00.002-05:00

Once again, I am being a complete and total fucktard and stressing over school, college, etc. I just need to stop and realize it isn't the end of the world. I really think it's the fact that I'm still sick and am back to waking up at the crack of fucking dawn everyday, therefore I'm cranky. Oh well, I'll get used to it. Today I recieved the most pathetic paycheck I have ever gotten. I was so mad about it and let it totally ruin the rest of my day because I really was relying on that money to buy christmas presents for my family/kate. OH WELL. That's what I get when I can't work a day and I don't even have regular hours anymore. My dad gave me a couple bucks to buy my brother and alyssa presents. OH AND today I went a little crazy at work and bought my dog a bunch of obnoxious looking yet awesome dog treats for christmas. I'm a dork.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2008-11-27T20:54:00.002-05:00

Another day spent in bed. I forgot how much I hate being sick. As much as I love spending time in my bed, I like it it better when I can breathe through my nose. Oh well, John and Kate marathon today! And my parents are coming home with some food for me. I could go for some mashed potatoes and some more OJ. Not that I haven't drank a gallon of it in the past 24 hours.